THINGS THAT WILL INEVITABLY HAPPEN WHEN YOU MOVE AWAY

1. YOU WILL SPEND A SHIT-TONNE OF MONEY.

Yes, I've checked. 'Shit-tonne' is actually a standardized unit of measurement now. Thanks, Gen-Y. 

For real, though. It isn't even simply the fact that moving costs a lot of money (which it does), but it is that you don't even really know how to look after yourself in a new city. If, heaven forbid, you move to a different country, you will pretty much have to learn how to shop all over again. You will buy the wrong things, shop in the wrong places, and genuinely just waste money for at least a month or two until you learn the vital 'International Skimping' technique. Also, you will probably overspend on things like electric, cable, and everything else until you meet people who can teach you the basics.

2. YOU WILL FALL VICTIM TO DOUCHEBAGGERY (AGAIN)

This is so inevitable I can't even (...)

Here's the thing: We have all done it before. We have all invested time in the unreturned messages; the non existent phone calls; and the people who play a disappearing act for weeks on end (or until they like something that you post on some form of social media). And this isn't just guys. I think girls do it, too. 

But we have all sat around waiting for that person to get bored and text us for a 'hang out', even though we know that as soon as the hangout session is over, we will go back to feeling a little like a used bag of shit.

So why are we going to do this all over again after moving away? It's simple. This feeling (the chase) is so familiar and so concrete: it's almost like you will reach for the only steady thing there is. You will reach for that unreliable (yet gorgeous) person because there is a strange comfort in it. It's almost like they are your way of creating a link to this new place, and even though you deserve better, everything is so rocky that you will settle for it as it is. Don't worry: this too shall pass.

3. YOU WILL SECOND GUESS YOURSELF

You will wonder if you did the right thing, for the right reasons.. and you will wonder where this decision will land you in the next five; ten; even twenty years. Is this going to change the way you view the world? Is this going to change every plan and idea you ever had for who you would be? Is this going to be the making of you?

Most likely, it will do all of those things.

No matter how many times you retrace the thought process that got you to where you are, you will realize that you made this decision for a reason, and that certainly can never be the wrong thing to do. I have always been a firm believer that anytime you are uncomfortable, you are growing into a better and stronger person.

Moving away will MAKE YOU.

4. YOU WILL MISS SOMETHING THAT YOU NEVER EXPECTED TO

So here is a little something about me.

At my parent's home in the Australian countryside, there is a large fence around the entire property. Our dog is like Houdini (or she likes to think she is), so we have to keep this huge metal gate closed at all times. Whenever you leave or arrive, you have to get out of the car, open the gate, get back in, drive through the gate, then close it again. Annoying, huh? And when it's a car full of people, someone always has to volunteer to be the person that gets out of the car and "gets the gate". 

This is the craziest thing.

Since moving away, I really miss that part of my day at 7.30pm when I would get home from work. In the winter it would already be dark, and I would climb out of my car, clutch foot aching from the two hour drive, and I would push the gate open and look at the house. Hot steam would be coming out of the chimney. The lights would be reflecting a dim hue out onto the front yard. And I knew there was a hot meal waiting for me inside, prepared by either one of my parents who would greet me: always eager to find out about my day.

That one moment of stopping the hustle and bustle of everyday life to open the gate, is one of the things I miss the most. And when you move away, it will most likely be something equally as random that sticks in your head as a moment of clarity.

5. YOU WILL FEEL STUPID

What is a social insurance number?

What kind of insurance would I need to go to the dentist?

How do I file my P45?

How many superannuation, renumeration, and pension funds are in my name?

These are all questions that I have asked in the previous few years. Point is, a lot of these questions will be common knowledge to a resident of the country you have moved to. If you turned to a Canadian and said (as I have), "what is a social insurance number?" they will probably look at you like you're from another planet: not because they are mean, but because to them, your homeland IS another planet and they cannot believe you wouldn't have a social insurance system. You probably do, but it is called something different, be it National Insurance, or a Tax File Number (TFN). 

People will tell you how to do things, and assume that you will know the process behind it, even if this is something that is totally foreign to you. Just a few days ago, I was asked for proof of tenant insurance and I was shocked. What was this? And why did I need it? I had never heard of it in my life. Similarly, post dated cheques are something that I had never come across until moving to Canada. And what happened to Universal Healthcare?

Call me stupid all you want: I already feel like a bit of an idiot anyway. 

But its OK. I am learning.

Also, I can flip you off in six different languages.

SO, here's five.

But there are SO MANY MORE things, just waiting for you.

Hop to it.

-RH

By the way, don't forget to follow me on Twitter, HERE

To Men Of Past and Present..

Dear...

Jacob. All the things that you did for me were really nice. The fact that they were rehearsed and revised actions that had been undertaken time and time again is no longer of any relevance. At that moment, they were for me, and I wish I hadn't been so mad about it.

You taught me a lot about what it means to love somebody, and believe in them even if they are slightly ridiculous. You taught me that loving somebody isn't a choice. It happens, and just as it happens, it can go away again.

Damien. I am not sure if you still hate me for the way everything happened, or if you just can't look me in the eye anymore. The things that I did were all for good reason, and I think that you understand that now. I still don't like that you never gave yourself a voice. Thank you for giving me one.

Matthew. You have the nicest face. It isn't that it is stunning, it's that your eyes and your smile made me want to do things I would never even do. And I have done those things, because I wanted to do them with you. I wanted to be the person that could tell you, show you, and teach you everything. I wanted to know you. But I'm not sure you wanted to know me in the same way. I always wondered where you disappeared to. I never told you how I felt though, because I was too scared you would reject me. I was just too scared to lose what I didn't want in order to reach for what I needed. Perhaps I let us both down.

Luke. Maybe I was what you said I was. But the hardest part about being your friend is that you were never the same to me. I actually think I would have died if it wasn't for your consistent, fierce support which genuinely made me believe that barriers can be broken down and people can feel true and genuine love, without being *in love*. Sometimes I hate that you have moved past everything, but then I remember that I am the one who ran.

David. I always thought I would miss you when I went away. I never did. I only ever missed your best friend. I am sorry. 

Marcus. I think we went through something together that neither of us will really understand. There was nothing that ever happened, in any sense, however, I felt changed by you and I'm fairly sure you are the same. It is such a shame to me that when I think of you now, those thoughts are filled with contempt and exhaustion. It makes me think that everyone else must have given up on figuring you out, too.


*Names have been changed in this piece to protect myself, and only myself. Think one of these is about you? Ask me. This may or may not be a piece of fiction

- RH

A Poem...

On Making The Bold Decisions

I just want to put this out there: I think that young people today have it tough. Of course: people in their mid twenties these days have access to more opportunity that ever before. I'm not trying to deny that. We have countless gadgets and systems to make our life easier, and there is more knowledge in the world that is more readily available to anybody who wants to receive it. However, I think with all of that there comes great social responsibility, which, with many young people, leads to greater social anxiety. It is a constant pressure of 'Am I good enough?' 'Do I wear the right clothes?' 'Am I the ideal weight?' 'Have I got enough friends?'

It's a minefield.

Depression rates are up. Suicide rates are up. And it doesn't stop with young people. Just last week, a friend told me that her partner's Uncle had just committed suicide. He was fifty four.

Let me just put this out there. I moved to another country to work a night shift. I didn't really know anybody, and had no idea how I was going to adapt to such a rapid change in lifestyle. I had lived way from home before, however I had anticipated that this would be a little different.

It is.

Along with obvious physical tolls on my body from working such hours, there have been mental and emotional strains that have come with the transition. Trying to assist other people in their transition hasn't helped either. There is a distinct domino affect at play when people aren't happy and it spreads like disease.

So where am I going with this?

The thing is: we are not bound to anywhere, or tied to anything. The greatest thing about the world today is that we are given the freedom to design our own fate. Whatever it is that you're not happy with, there are ways to change it. 

Every day, make one positive effort to better your life.

I recently quit smoking (again) which is a habit that has come in and out of my life for longer that I would be willing to admit. Along with quitting smoking, I also decided to cut back on alcohol. I removed processed foods from my diet, cancelled out majority of my dairy intake, and hired a personal trainer.

Point of this? I have learned that you can never be completely happy emotionally, spiritually, or mentally unless your insides are happy, too.

And I didn't do this all at once. I took small steps to better myself. Even the most miniscule effort towards positive action is the first step in improving your life. Cutting out the dirt, and the things that were making me feel physically uncomfortable, has had a great impact on the way I approach everything else in my life.

Of course, there are still frustrations. There are 'dog days' when it seems that nothing will go right.

I will repeat what I said. We have the power to design our own fate.

Don't waste it.

Hello, Ladies...

Last week I was walking home from a friend's house, when something bizarre happened to me. While driving past, a man yelled out  of a car window, "Wanna go splits in a baby?!"

Outraged, I gave the man two of my most beautiful fingers, and yelled something back at him which was oh-so-inappropriate. 

I continued my walk and inevitably I began to wonder where on earth chivalry had gotten to, and why it was that one cannot simply walk down the street anymore without being objectified. Then I got to thinking about my own response to this guy's proposition. 

I realised: chivalry isn't dead. It is out on a lunch date with the concept of being ladylike.

One of my good friends has developed quite a crush on a guy she slept with once.

Wait, let me back up on this one. I have to explain.

My good friend went on a date with a guy a few months ago. They really hit it off, and I remember her telling me afterwards that she really thought she could date this guy. Their second date, unfortunately, resulted in a drunken night of passion and a morning after of regret. Needless to say, she didn't hear from the guy again aside from the occasional drunk text.

She asked me a few weeks ago: had she not slept with him so soon, would things be different? Regrettably, I had to admit that they would be. She pushed further: was there anything she could do to rectify the situation and make herself seem date-able again? Unfortunate still, I had to say that there really wasn't anything that could be done. The impression had been made.

I haven't spoken to this friend in a while, but I am fairly sure that she still likes the guy, and he still doesn't care.

The horrible truth is that until a woman starts to act like a lady, she will be treated like a tramp.  When men watch Rihanna perform (read 'scantily-clad gyrate'), they don't want to take her out for dinner.

As much as there is probably somebody that all women would like to call up and say "I never behave like that, and I did genuinely want to date you", it simply isn't the way of the world anymore. 

Just like yelling out of your car window; the damage is done. Like it or not, we all stand to be judged. 

Perhaps I will start to comb my hair more often… and wear pantyhose.

- RH (full time lady)

20 Things To Do Before You Hit 25...

It is a bucket list, of sorts... I have done all of these things and they have all changed my life in some way. I have come to believe that all of these things are somewhat essential in this whole 'growing up' thing.


1. Get on a bus or a train with no destination. Get off when your money runs out, or you reach the end of the line. You never know what you'll find

2. Work a service job. This will teach you the value of a dollar; a friendly hello; and a grateful goodbye

3. Open a savings account. Save a small amount every single week. This could be anything from $10 to $50 -- but refrain from taking money out of it. You never know when you're going to need it.

4. Read a book. At least one, each year. Make it something that challenges you.

5. Kiss a stranger. Don't get their name. Don't get their number. 

6. Learn to say 'no'.

7. Find something that makes you feel talented and unique, and do it ALL THE TIME.

8. Go to the cinema, to a restaurant, or to see your favourite band completely alone. 

9. Find a way to differentiate between the people who are in your life because you want them there, and people who are in your life because they never left. Get rid of the people who weigh you down: those who make you feel unworthy or undeserving. Realize that time spent alone is a hundred times better than time spent with those who make you want to hurl all down yourself.

10. Start taking yourself seriously. Your twenties are not the between time for 'figuring things out'. It's OK if you don't have things figured out yet (99% of people don't), but that doesn't mean that you're up for ten wasted years until you hit thirty and can reasonably have an existential crisis. 

11. Embrace the pain. Suffering is universal. You have to be open to the suffering to even give yourself even the slightest shot in hell at happiness: and most likely, you will never get one without some degree of the other.

12. Understand that travel is the only thing you can buy that will make you richer. That Louis Vuitton bag or Chanel lipstick are not going to enrich your life the way you imagine.

13. Own a pet. Or a plant. Take responsibility for something other than yourself.

14. Live alone, in your own apartment

15. Be unemployed - if only for a week

16. Party until the sun comes up: get breakfast on your way home. Also...

17. Go to a world famous party. Be it Oktoberfest, Mardi Gras, Carnaval, Ibiza… I don't care. Just go to one to understand the feeling of mass enthusiasm.

18. Learn how to cook. At least one thing.

19. Write someone a love letter with a pen and a piece of paper: not a keyboard and a gmail account.

20. On a similar note: Write yourself a letter to open in ten years time. Include your passions, goals, and expectations for the future: both for yourself personally, and the world around you. That way, you can still surprise yourself when you're pushing 40.


- RH

Why Aren't We Living Our Dreams?

Ask any child what they want to be when they grow up, and they will probably deliver you a clear and concise answer within 20 seconds.  Ask the same question of a teen and they will also deliver you a clear and concise idea of their dreams and aspirations of the future. The most inspiring thing will be the passion with which they tell you exactly what they want from their life.

Ask an adult what their dreams and goals are for the future, and you will inevitably be given a different response. In most cases, you will receive a watered down, filtered version of a fragment of everything they wanted to be ten years ago.

Why does this happen? For many of us, reality kicks in and the desires we once had seem to us to be delusions of grandeur and entirely unattainable. We somehow place our deepest desires in the 'too hard basket' and end up settling for some sort of comfortable alternative.

This has crossed my mind quite frequently lately. I wonder what happened to my own delusions of grandeur, and how the desires I harboured so closely have become somewhat distant memories.

I realised that the desire is still there. If I search for it, then it is actually stronger than ever.

But why aren't we going after our dreams? Is it, in this modern world, something that is just too difficult? Why are we being watered down by concerns about money, freedom, and personal comfort?

Sometimes I wonder and I ask myself what I would do if I wasn't afraid. How would my life be different if I wasn't worried about the financial side of things? Is it really money that is holding us back from our dreams, or is it deeper than that? Are we actually just afraid of the way we will be perceived if we throw away all levels of comfort and security on what people might perceive as a whim?

I seem to be asking a lot of questions, but don't really have the answers to any of them.

I take a lot of chances by moving countries, yet I am somehow moving from one safety net to another. My decisions are calculated and almost cold. When I really think about it, most of the decisions I have made have been purely financial. What decision will make me the most money, give me the most freedom, and ultimately benefit my comfortable life in the long term?

The truth is that money will look after itself. If it really comes down to it, then we will find a way to keep ourselves alive. It's instinctual. 

All it takes is the courage to take that first step. Those who support you are in your life for a reason. Those who judge you, don't have the right to do so anyway.

It sounds cliche, but I believe in the power of dreams. I believe that with enough hard work, anybody can achieve anything that they want to.

They only have to be brave enough to throw themselves into it.