Hello, Ladies...

Last week I was walking home from a friend's house, when something bizarre happened to me. While driving past, a man yelled out  of a car window, "Wanna go splits in a baby?!"

Outraged, I gave the man two of my most beautiful fingers, and yelled something back at him which was oh-so-inappropriate. 

I continued my walk and inevitably I began to wonder where on earth chivalry had gotten to, and why it was that one cannot simply walk down the street anymore without being objectified. Then I got to thinking about my own response to this guy's proposition. 

I realised: chivalry isn't dead. It is out on a lunch date with the concept of being ladylike.

One of my good friends has developed quite a crush on a guy she slept with once.

Wait, let me back up on this one. I have to explain.

My good friend went on a date with a guy a few months ago. They really hit it off, and I remember her telling me afterwards that she really thought she could date this guy. Their second date, unfortunately, resulted in a drunken night of passion and a morning after of regret. Needless to say, she didn't hear from the guy again aside from the occasional drunk text.

She asked me a few weeks ago: had she not slept with him so soon, would things be different? Regrettably, I had to admit that they would be. She pushed further: was there anything she could do to rectify the situation and make herself seem date-able again? Unfortunate still, I had to say that there really wasn't anything that could be done. The impression had been made.

I haven't spoken to this friend in a while, but I am fairly sure that she still likes the guy, and he still doesn't care.

The horrible truth is that until a woman starts to act like a lady, she will be treated like a tramp.  When men watch Rihanna perform (read 'scantily-clad gyrate'), they don't want to take her out for dinner.

As much as there is probably somebody that all women would like to call up and say "I never behave like that, and I did genuinely want to date you", it simply isn't the way of the world anymore. 

Just like yelling out of your car window; the damage is done. Like it or not, we all stand to be judged. 

Perhaps I will start to comb my hair more often… and wear pantyhose.

- RH (full time lady)

Why Aren't We Living Our Dreams?

Ask any child what they want to be when they grow up, and they will probably deliver you a clear and concise answer within 20 seconds.  Ask the same question of a teen and they will also deliver you a clear and concise idea of their dreams and aspirations of the future. The most inspiring thing will be the passion with which they tell you exactly what they want from their life.

Ask an adult what their dreams and goals are for the future, and you will inevitably be given a different response. In most cases, you will receive a watered down, filtered version of a fragment of everything they wanted to be ten years ago.

Why does this happen? For many of us, reality kicks in and the desires we once had seem to us to be delusions of grandeur and entirely unattainable. We somehow place our deepest desires in the 'too hard basket' and end up settling for some sort of comfortable alternative.

This has crossed my mind quite frequently lately. I wonder what happened to my own delusions of grandeur, and how the desires I harboured so closely have become somewhat distant memories.

I realised that the desire is still there. If I search for it, then it is actually stronger than ever.

But why aren't we going after our dreams? Is it, in this modern world, something that is just too difficult? Why are we being watered down by concerns about money, freedom, and personal comfort?

Sometimes I wonder and I ask myself what I would do if I wasn't afraid. How would my life be different if I wasn't worried about the financial side of things? Is it really money that is holding us back from our dreams, or is it deeper than that? Are we actually just afraid of the way we will be perceived if we throw away all levels of comfort and security on what people might perceive as a whim?

I seem to be asking a lot of questions, but don't really have the answers to any of them.

I take a lot of chances by moving countries, yet I am somehow moving from one safety net to another. My decisions are calculated and almost cold. When I really think about it, most of the decisions I have made have been purely financial. What decision will make me the most money, give me the most freedom, and ultimately benefit my comfortable life in the long term?

The truth is that money will look after itself. If it really comes down to it, then we will find a way to keep ourselves alive. It's instinctual. 

All it takes is the courage to take that first step. Those who support you are in your life for a reason. Those who judge you, don't have the right to do so anyway.

It sounds cliche, but I believe in the power of dreams. I believe that with enough hard work, anybody can achieve anything that they want to.

They only have to be brave enough to throw themselves into it.

Are Nice Guys Even In The Race?

"On why they finish last..."

It seems that wherever we go and whoever we surround ourselves with, conversation is always going to inevitably turn to love, lust, and relationships. This has never been a topic I have been extremely comfortable in discussing unless under the influence of enough alcohol to soften the brutal honesty with which I must approach this.

Admittedly, I am not the best mascot for love. I don't do romance, marriage, PDAs.. I barely even like holding hands (seriously?! You're sweating ON EACH OTHER)

Anyway.

When talking about love with male friends, I seem to be constantly bombarded with the question, 'What is wrong with you women? You all say you want a nice guy, and yet you date total assholes?!'

Gotta hand it to you, fellas. You're damn perceptive.

The truth is, it has taken me a really long time to try and form some sort of suitable answer to this. Whenever I get asked, I tend to just chuckle and shrug it off like I hadn't actually noticed, when in reality I spend most of my time fixating on morons and being completely oblivious to the advances of the genuinely nice guys who tend to lurk in the back of my mind. Don't get me wrong: I have been on dates with nice guys. I have let them take me to dinner, to the movies... And yet have always left the end of the night feeling like I just got smacked in the face by the politeness stick and feeling completely and utterly disinterested.

So what is it that switches off in a woman when she realizes that the guy she is going out with is nice? What is it that suddenly makes this man so unattractive, and somewhat un-dateable? And is this really a thing? Are nice guys done for?

Enough questions. It's time for some answers. Here are the ABCs of why nice guys appear to be finishing last.

1. The Availability clause.

I once went out on a date with a really nice guy. He was great on paper, had a good job, was good-looking, intelligent, and even made me laugh. Telling friends about him they thought I had hit the jackpot. After our date, which fell on a Thursday, he sent me a text message asking if he could see me again that Saturday. Playing it cool, I replied with a maybe. He later told me that he had made a reservation at a champagne bar down town, and he would meet me there at 8pm. Intrigued by his confidence, I went. He spent the night being himself, and generally doting on most things I said and did. The next morning, he texted me again asking if he could see me again soon. Instantly I knew I would never go out with him again.

Over time, it has become embedded in someone that something which is scarce and difficult to find has more value than something that is easily attainable. Diamonds, gold, mink... Things we see of higher value than something like wood. Truth is, wood is everywhere. Paper is everywhere. This is why we would rather the diamonds.

The same applies to men. If they are too available to us, they lose value. While playing it hot or cold is not great either, a man ideally has a subtle balance yet knows when to strike.

2. The Boss clause

Truth be told, a woman is an argumentative creature. We like to argue, and like to win. One of the reasons I went to law school was because I fancied my self a little too much as a defensive conversationalist.  And the great thing about the bad boy? They have the confidence to fight back.

Now, I’m not saying that women want to be argued with, dismissed, and told they are wrong consistently and to no avail. This is the ultimate turn-off. The nice guy, however, can have a tendency to be a little too agreeable around the female species. A guy once asked me out by saying, “I want to take you for a drink. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine. I’ll just ask you again tomorrow on the off chance you have come to your senses.”

The next day, he asked me again. On the third try I let him buy me a beer.

Mr Agreeable habitually asks a girl out once, gets rejected, and goes off to wallow in a corner about not even running the same race as the jerks, and never having a shot in hell. While the guy might have the confidence to ask once, he doesn’t believe fully in his ability to win the battle. The follow through is almost non-existent.  For women, this just ruins the game.

To tell a female secret; as much as we might pretend to hate the guys who play the game, we enjoy it just as much as they do. We LOVE the thrill of ‘why isn’t he texting me back straight away?’ and most of us harbour a secret desire to win the upper hand – to be chased. Saying yes on the first request ruins the chase: and guess what Mr Nice Guy? It ruins your chances too. Sorry!

3. The Chemistry clause

To put it simply: women quite often just aren’t attracted to nice guys. They don’t have any sexual chemistry with them. I’ve dated a few really sweet guys and have hated myself for having to tell them I’d rather be friends. Because, the truth is, I could only ever see myself being their friend. Yeah: they got LJBF’d.

Genetically (and this is going back a good few years) women were drawn to the hunter-gatherer: the man who could go out and provide for the family by any means necessary. The man was the predator: strong, rough, and ready. Not all women are looking for that these days (look at Liz Hurley! She’s dating Shane Warne!!) but there still has to be that element of ‘I don’t mind getting my hands dirty or my feet wet if needs be’. A strong, confident man will always let off an aroma of ‘don’t worry, I will look after you, and I know what I’m doing (in EVERY way)’ – the bad boy offers this (AND THEN SOME!!)

Besides, it doesn’t hurt to have a big ball of charm up your sleeve: and the bad boy always seems to know exactly what to say.

BUT DO NOT TAKE THIS AS BIBLE

I am no expert (am I?)

-RH

I'd like to add a disclaimer here. I do believe the nice guy can get the girl, and I believe that more often than not, the nice guy deserves the girl a lot more than anything else. I am just trying to dissect social protocol.