Hello, Ladies...

Last week I was walking home from a friend's house, when something bizarre happened to me. While driving past, a man yelled out  of a car window, "Wanna go splits in a baby?!"

Outraged, I gave the man two of my most beautiful fingers, and yelled something back at him which was oh-so-inappropriate. 

I continued my walk and inevitably I began to wonder where on earth chivalry had gotten to, and why it was that one cannot simply walk down the street anymore without being objectified. Then I got to thinking about my own response to this guy's proposition. 

I realised: chivalry isn't dead. It is out on a lunch date with the concept of being ladylike.

One of my good friends has developed quite a crush on a guy she slept with once.

Wait, let me back up on this one. I have to explain.

My good friend went on a date with a guy a few months ago. They really hit it off, and I remember her telling me afterwards that she really thought she could date this guy. Their second date, unfortunately, resulted in a drunken night of passion and a morning after of regret. Needless to say, she didn't hear from the guy again aside from the occasional drunk text.

She asked me a few weeks ago: had she not slept with him so soon, would things be different? Regrettably, I had to admit that they would be. She pushed further: was there anything she could do to rectify the situation and make herself seem date-able again? Unfortunate still, I had to say that there really wasn't anything that could be done. The impression had been made.

I haven't spoken to this friend in a while, but I am fairly sure that she still likes the guy, and he still doesn't care.

The horrible truth is that until a woman starts to act like a lady, she will be treated like a tramp.  When men watch Rihanna perform (read 'scantily-clad gyrate'), they don't want to take her out for dinner.

As much as there is probably somebody that all women would like to call up and say "I never behave like that, and I did genuinely want to date you", it simply isn't the way of the world anymore. 

Just like yelling out of your car window; the damage is done. Like it or not, we all stand to be judged. 

Perhaps I will start to comb my hair more often… and wear pantyhose.

- RH (full time lady)

Are Nice Guys Even In The Race?

"On why they finish last..."

It seems that wherever we go and whoever we surround ourselves with, conversation is always going to inevitably turn to love, lust, and relationships. This has never been a topic I have been extremely comfortable in discussing unless under the influence of enough alcohol to soften the brutal honesty with which I must approach this.

Admittedly, I am not the best mascot for love. I don't do romance, marriage, PDAs.. I barely even like holding hands (seriously?! You're sweating ON EACH OTHER)

Anyway.

When talking about love with male friends, I seem to be constantly bombarded with the question, 'What is wrong with you women? You all say you want a nice guy, and yet you date total assholes?!'

Gotta hand it to you, fellas. You're damn perceptive.

The truth is, it has taken me a really long time to try and form some sort of suitable answer to this. Whenever I get asked, I tend to just chuckle and shrug it off like I hadn't actually noticed, when in reality I spend most of my time fixating on morons and being completely oblivious to the advances of the genuinely nice guys who tend to lurk in the back of my mind. Don't get me wrong: I have been on dates with nice guys. I have let them take me to dinner, to the movies... And yet have always left the end of the night feeling like I just got smacked in the face by the politeness stick and feeling completely and utterly disinterested.

So what is it that switches off in a woman when she realizes that the guy she is going out with is nice? What is it that suddenly makes this man so unattractive, and somewhat un-dateable? And is this really a thing? Are nice guys done for?

Enough questions. It's time for some answers. Here are the ABCs of why nice guys appear to be finishing last.

1. The Availability clause.

I once went out on a date with a really nice guy. He was great on paper, had a good job, was good-looking, intelligent, and even made me laugh. Telling friends about him they thought I had hit the jackpot. After our date, which fell on a Thursday, he sent me a text message asking if he could see me again that Saturday. Playing it cool, I replied with a maybe. He later told me that he had made a reservation at a champagne bar down town, and he would meet me there at 8pm. Intrigued by his confidence, I went. He spent the night being himself, and generally doting on most things I said and did. The next morning, he texted me again asking if he could see me again soon. Instantly I knew I would never go out with him again.

Over time, it has become embedded in someone that something which is scarce and difficult to find has more value than something that is easily attainable. Diamonds, gold, mink... Things we see of higher value than something like wood. Truth is, wood is everywhere. Paper is everywhere. This is why we would rather the diamonds.

The same applies to men. If they are too available to us, they lose value. While playing it hot or cold is not great either, a man ideally has a subtle balance yet knows when to strike.

2. The Boss clause

Truth be told, a woman is an argumentative creature. We like to argue, and like to win. One of the reasons I went to law school was because I fancied my self a little too much as a defensive conversationalist.  And the great thing about the bad boy? They have the confidence to fight back.

Now, I’m not saying that women want to be argued with, dismissed, and told they are wrong consistently and to no avail. This is the ultimate turn-off. The nice guy, however, can have a tendency to be a little too agreeable around the female species. A guy once asked me out by saying, “I want to take you for a drink. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine. I’ll just ask you again tomorrow on the off chance you have come to your senses.”

The next day, he asked me again. On the third try I let him buy me a beer.

Mr Agreeable habitually asks a girl out once, gets rejected, and goes off to wallow in a corner about not even running the same race as the jerks, and never having a shot in hell. While the guy might have the confidence to ask once, he doesn’t believe fully in his ability to win the battle. The follow through is almost non-existent.  For women, this just ruins the game.

To tell a female secret; as much as we might pretend to hate the guys who play the game, we enjoy it just as much as they do. We LOVE the thrill of ‘why isn’t he texting me back straight away?’ and most of us harbour a secret desire to win the upper hand – to be chased. Saying yes on the first request ruins the chase: and guess what Mr Nice Guy? It ruins your chances too. Sorry!

3. The Chemistry clause

To put it simply: women quite often just aren’t attracted to nice guys. They don’t have any sexual chemistry with them. I’ve dated a few really sweet guys and have hated myself for having to tell them I’d rather be friends. Because, the truth is, I could only ever see myself being their friend. Yeah: they got LJBF’d.

Genetically (and this is going back a good few years) women were drawn to the hunter-gatherer: the man who could go out and provide for the family by any means necessary. The man was the predator: strong, rough, and ready. Not all women are looking for that these days (look at Liz Hurley! She’s dating Shane Warne!!) but there still has to be that element of ‘I don’t mind getting my hands dirty or my feet wet if needs be’. A strong, confident man will always let off an aroma of ‘don’t worry, I will look after you, and I know what I’m doing (in EVERY way)’ – the bad boy offers this (AND THEN SOME!!)

Besides, it doesn’t hurt to have a big ball of charm up your sleeve: and the bad boy always seems to know exactly what to say.

BUT DO NOT TAKE THIS AS BIBLE

I am no expert (am I?)

-RH

I'd like to add a disclaimer here. I do believe the nice guy can get the girl, and I believe that more often than not, the nice guy deserves the girl a lot more than anything else. I am just trying to dissect social protocol.

The Top Albums of 2012

I decided to write a few blog posts which discuss what I enjoyed in 2012. This is the first..

Top Five Albums of 2012

1. Cruel Summer - GOOD Music/Kanye West

I know what you're thinking guys... Kanye West with the best album of 2012?! And yes, before you ask, I know that I am white (and poor) and am not a 'G'. However, I must profess my love for Kanye 'Yeezy' West and his penchant for everything in excess. Watch The Throne and My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy served as perfect introductions to this eclectic mix of all year listening. Cruel Summer is a compilation album and feels almost like a mixed tape of someone's favourite songs rather than an actual album it itself. I know that there aren't a huge amount of awesome things we can say about Kanye West as a person (sorry baaae!) but do not let it stop you from having a listen to this album.

Highlight tracks include: Clique, Cold, and Creeper.

When to listen: When driving. You will begin to think you're in a 'hummah'

2. Babel - Mumford and Sons

The first album by Mumford and Sons, Sigh No More, remains to this day one of the best albums I have ever heard, to the point where I was actually scared to listen to their second offering in case it ruined them for me. Whoaaa, lordy. I hate the fact that I missed time on listening to this on repeat. This is an eclectic, folky offering which, despite all of its joys, might sometimes step a little too far into the whimsical sorrow of string instrumental. You would probably have to already enjoy Mumford and Sons to do this album justice, but if you are a fan then you surely won't be disappointed.

Highlight tracks include: Broken Crown, Lover of the Light

When to listen: Before bed

3. Coexist - The xx

So, shoot me. I'd never heard of The XX before this album was released in September. It was actually a colleague who got me listening to them on the claim that they were "the best band ever!!!". OK, not the best band ever, but as far as music goes, particularly in a year that I feel was somewhat dry of spectacular musical achievement, they are not half bad. Give this a listen and you probably won’t regret it.

Highlight tracks include: Reunion, Angels

When to listen: In the gym

4.  Until Now - Swedish House Mafia

I am almost certain that you have to be a particular kind of person to really appreciate Swedish House Mafia. They are not for everyone. Contrary to popular belief, however, you do not have to be a smack-head raver to appreciate the way their tracks are so finely put together. I have always had respect for talented musicians, no matter what genre they choose to pursue. I’ve been in enough dodgy bars all over the world to appreciate a good DJ!

Highlight tracks include: Antidote, Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

When to listen: A New Years Eve Party/Nightclub

5. Our Version Of Events - Emile Sande

I know that this one is a bit of a dark horse. It isn't really all about the album guys (I'll admit, I'm cheating a little!) Anybody who watched the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony (hello, everyone!) can appreciate the talent here. This album does have its weak spots: you will never listen to every track, but the tracks you do enjoy? You really, really enjoy.

Highlight tracks include: Heaven, Next To Me

When to listen: Over dinner

Noteable mentions: What We Saw From The Cheap Seats - Regina Spektor; Not Your Kind Of People – Garbage; Halycon – Ellie Goulding 

--RH

Why I Forgive Kanye West

I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are angry at Kanye West. Here’s a few reasons why:

1.     Who can forget the ‘Imma let you finish’ moment at the VMAs?
This was years ago, yet somehow it sticks in all our minds as one of the biggest ‘jackass’ moments in Gen-Y history. Love her or hate her, Tay-Tay Swift did NOT deserve that.

2.     He has turned Kimmy Kay into a ‘ghetto-fabulous’ mess.
Again, you can love her or hate her, but Kim Kardashian used to wear nice clothes before she became one half of ‘Kimye’. They fit her better, too, but that’s not for here.

(This is a hot mess)

3.     He has not been blessed with modesty.
See here HERE when he stormed the stage at the MTV Europe Music Awards to protest his “million dollah” video not winning. On another occasion, he also said that if there were a modern version of the bible, he would be in it. ERM, OK HONEY PIE.

So perhaps Kanye has taken things too far before. He has had ridiculous hair, ridiculous clothing, and has even sung a song about how ridiculous he is. (Yeah, it's true. Hear it HERE)

I do believe, though, that we should probably forgive Kanye for all of his (many) wrongdoings.

Here are my reasons: WHY I FORGIVE KANYE WEST

1.     He knows exactly who to collaborate with to make a hit.
Need I list: Chris Martin, Rihanna, Jay Z, Adam Levine, Beyonce, Swizz Beats, Bon Iver, Thirty Seconds To Mars… Need I continue?
Point is, once I have collaborated with some of the biggest selling artists of the decade, I will be able to say that Kanye is not cool. (Not happening ever, by the way.)

2.     He lets us know where he’s come from.
Now, I know I’m not alone when I was like, “HOLLA GURLL” when JLO did her ‘Jenny From The Block’ stuff. I’m whiter than Casper, and I began to identify with the Bronx. Similarly, Kanye wants us to know that he is from humble beginnings, and he has never shunned his past. From ‘Made In America’ (Watch The Throne, 2012) “I told my Mumma I was on the come up; She said you going to school, I’ll give you a summer; Then she met No I.D and gave me his number; Ten years later she drivin a hummer.”
Don’t we all love a man who love his mumma!?

3.     He kind of has a point... Even when he says it wrong.
Of course, when he said that George Bush ‘hates black people’, it might not have been the most politically correct thing that any one has ever said. I would like to point out, however, that many modern celebrities would never be so candid for fear of persecution.
Plus, ‘Single Ladies’ is one of the best video clips of our time.
PREACH, Kanye! PREACH FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS!

(Whoa there, Kanye)

4.     He’s a damn rock star!
He talks shit, he’s abrasive, and he makes people angry! How many true rock stars are left in this world?! If we begin to eliminate the Kanye’s, we might get stuck with (a) the too-good Bieber-fever, or (b) Miss ‘keep-me-relevant’ Madonna.
Bitches, please. Move aside?  The King is here.

5.     He admits when he’s wrong.
 Currently the world is gripped with this snooze fest (other-wise known as the US Presidential Debate), where it seems that a politician can say or do anything without ever having to apologize. Need I write how REFRESHING it is to find a CELEBRITY who is the first to admit he is wrong, and go even further than a simple apology? I am referring, of course, to Kanye calling himself a douchebag in his song Runaway, which he wrote to apologize for Tay-Tay Swift-Gate. See HERE

So, I guess there you have it. A rockstar who speaks his mind, operates as an open book, and isn’t too big to say ‘sorry'.

What’s not to forgive?!

Oh, wait. I forgot this:

LOL SORRY GUYS.

Point taken.


[Image sources here and here and here]